


mourn for all and none

by screechfox



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canon Compliant, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Last Kiss, M/M, Making Up D&D Spells, Talking To Dead People, comfort/hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-06-17 14:20:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15463287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/screechfox/pseuds/screechfox
Summary: When he’s done, he watches as a figure forms in the pale glow of the moon; first in broad strokes, like a slim build and curling horns, and then in fine details, like rose-red eyes and sharp fingernails. Huh. A tiefling. Well, he’s seen odder.Caduceus Clay summons the spirit of Mollymauk Tealeaf, and doesn't quite get what he was expecting.





	mourn for all and none

**Author's Note:**

> first molly/cad fic? first molly/cad fic.
> 
> draft title: two goth bis have a chat

The moonlight shines in through the window of the tavern bedroom, as Caduceus carefully arranges the components for a spell on the floor. He’d requested a private room this time, and though his companions had eyed him suspiciously, the fact that he paid with his own coin meant that there were few complaints.

Honestly, it was curiosity that led him to this course of action. His new companions are tight-lipped about the friend they are so clearly mourning, and, well. Caduceus doesn’t feel right letting a spirit go uncomforted.

To the untrained eye, the spectrum of herbs littered across the floor would seem like aimless mess. But Caduceus weaves stems and flowers together into intricate patterns that guide the flow of energy, and amplify it.

It has been all of two seasons since he last cast this spell, and the motions are familiar. The words come naturally, winding from his mouth like a river through a valley.

When he’s done, he watches as a figure forms in the pale glow of the moon; first in broad strokes, like a slim build and curling horns, and then in fine details, like rose-red eyes and sharp fingernails. Huh. A tiefling. Well, he’s seen odder.

“Caduceus Clay,” he says with a smile, as the spirit meets his gaze. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Caduceus watches as the spirit’s eyes blatantly travel over every inch of his body in assessment. Or possibly attraction. Caduceus doesn’t have enough experience with either to tell.

“Huh,” the spirit says. “I like the hair. You’re not one of those people who think I’m Lucien, are you? Because I don’t think he’s around anymore.”

“No, I don’t think you’re Lucien,” Caduceus says in his most reassuring tone of voice. “Unless that _is_ who you are?”

“Gods above, _no._ It’s Mollymauk Tealeaf, and it’s lovely to meet you.” Mollymauk holds his hand out for a moment, then seems to think better of it, pulling it back before Caduceus can do anything. “I assume that you’re the reason I’m here, and not languishing in the afterlife?”

“Guilty as charged, though you can go back to languishing soon enough, I’m afraid. This is only temporary.”

Mollymauk clicks his tongue, but something about the cast of his face turns oddly relieved.

“Caduceus Clay, you said?”

Caduceus inclines his head, remaining silent.

“You weren’t looking for Lucien, so why did you bring me back? The only people who know me well enough to want that are the circus, and…” As Mollymauk trails off, Caduceus can see his striking crimson eyes taking in the armour laying on the bed, and the staff that Caduceus still carries.

A bright smile emerges on Mollymauk’s face, like the dawn light breaking through cool morning air. In all honesty, it’s mildly enchanting.

“How are they?”

“They’re carrying on, as much as they can. Your captured friends have been rescued, and they are recuperating from what they suffered.”

Mollymauk nods, that relieved cast tinting his face for a moment again.

“And you? Why do you travel with them?”

“They came and asked for my help in avenging you, and, truthfully, I’d been looking for an excuse to leave.” Caduceus leans his staff against his bed, twining his fingers together wistfully. “I can fulfill the duties of my worship here, as much as I could in my home.”

Mollymauk blinks, slow and catlike, and Caduceus can practically see him deciding not to ask. Time is limited, after all.

“But you like them, don’t you?”

“They have their charms,” Caduceus says, a corner of his mouth quirking up. “I’m especially fond of Jester,” he continues, and Mollymauk laughs, bright and happy.

“They’re good people, for the most part - Jester especially,” Mollymauk says, and his exuberant smile turns softer, fonder. “And that’s all you can really ask, isn’t it?”

“They carry a lot of grief with them, it seems,” Caduceus says, because he doesn’t know the answer to the question Molly asks - questions of morality aren’t his specialty. “And not all of it is for you, either.”

“Well, there’s a blow to the ego,” Molly says, but the showman’s smile is back, full of amusement. “Here I thought I was the center of their lives.”

Caduceus doesn’t say _I think you might have been_ , because that seems tactless even to him, but the words rise in his throat until he has to swallow them down.

“Any last requests, anything you’d like me to tell them?” The words feel heavy on Caduceus’ tongue. Though the words are familiar, repeated over the years to spirits with grieving companions, they feel weighty this time, imbued with a new meaning that tastes bittersweet on his tongue.

“No, no,” Mollymauk says, waving a hand. “They’re all getting on with grieving at their own pace, and it would only hurt them more if we dragged it out.” _And me_ , Caduceus hears in the suddenly fractured silence, and he can tell that Mollymauk doesn’t wish to be dragged from the dead any longer.

“Then I will let you depart,” he says, leaning down to dispel the magic.

There’s a pause, then Mollymauk speaks again.

“Wait. There is something…”

Caduceus stands up again, tilting his head. He gestures for Mollymauk to go ahead.

“Could I have a kiss?”

It isn’t what Caduceus expects, and it shocks a warm laugh out of him as Mollymauk continues speaking, words tumbling from his mouth.

“I mean, I always thought I’d go out with a kiss, to be honest, so the truth of it was bitterly disappointing. And, while I’m not complaining about the afterlife, it isn’t the most _thrilling_ of experiences.”

Caduceus should really stop laughing. The sound, rumbling from somewhere deep in his chest, is bound to wake the entire inn. It’s certainly the oddest request he’s ever heard at this stage in the process.

He takes a deep breath to soothe himself. Despite the oddly serious expression on Mollymauk’s face, amusement plays around the corner of those deep red eyes.

“I will warn you,” Caduceus says, smiling, “I don’t have much experience.”

“That’s okay,” Mollymauk says, moving forward on tiptoes and leaning his face upwards like a flower to the sun. “I think I have enough experience for a lifetime.”

The sensation of lips touching lips is odd - probably odder since his partner is both a tiefling and a ghost. It’s nothing especially risque or eye-raising, just the touch of skin to skin, and a closeness that leaves Caduceus feeling bizarrely bereft when Mollymauk finally moves away.

In that one moment, as moonlight shines through him, Mollymauk seems filled with light. Then it breaks, and his smile is the same soft, fond thing that he wore when talking about his friends.

Caduceus feels honoured by the sight, but a bloom of sadness seems to flower in his chest, all the same.

“Best wishes with what lies ahead,” he says, for lack of any other words to describe the emotions swelling within him, bigger than anything he remembers feeling before.

“You too,” Mollymauk says, and doesn’t begrudge him the emotions.

As Caduceus dispels the magic, he keeps eyes on Mollymauk until he has faded away into the moonlight entirely, as though he has become stardust itself.

Though he doesn’t consider himself superstitious, Caduceus avoids the beam of moonlight as he gets ready to go to bed. His motions are rhythmic, practiced, lacking in any true emotion as he attempts to ignore the prickling in the back of his eyes and the lump in his throat.

With a sigh that only shakes a little, Caduceus lays down to sleep, the echoes of a dead man’s kiss still tingling on his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me at [screechfoxes](https://screechfoxes.tumblr.com/) on tumblr!
> 
> i hope you enjoyed the fic!


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